Loving Two

I walk along holding your 2-year-old hand, basking in the glow of our magical relationship. Suddenly I feel a kick from within, as if to remind me that our time alone is limited. And I wonder: how could I ever love another child as I love you?

Then he is born, and I watch you. I watch the pain you feel at having to share me as you've never shared me before.

I hear you telling me in your own way, please love only me. And I hear myself telling you in mine, I can't, knowing, in fact, that I never can again.

You cry. I cry with you. I almost see our new baby as an intruder on the precious relationship we once shared. A relationship we can never quite have again.

But then, barely noticing, I find myself attached to that new being, and feeling almost guilty. I'm afraid to let you see me enjoying him as though I am betraying you.

But then I notice your resentment change, first to curiosity, then to protectiveness, finally to genuine affection.

More days pass, and we are settling into a new routine. The memory of days with just the two of us is fading fast.

But something else is replacing those wonderful times we shared, just we two. There are new times only now, we are three. I watch the love between you grow, the way you look at each other, touch each other.

I watch how he adores you as I have for so long. I see how excited you are by each of his new accomplishments. And I begin to realize that I haven't taken something away from you, I've given something to you. I notice that I am no longer afraid to share my love openly with both of you. I find that my love for each of you is as different as you are, but equally strong. And my question is finally answered, to my amazement. Yes, I can love another child as much as I love you only different.

And although I realize that you may have to share my time, I now know you'll never share my love. There is enough of that for both of you. You each have your own supply.

I love you both and I thank you for blessing my life.

-Author unknown
(Thank you Mandy for sharing that poem with me.)

I have found myself soaking in every minute I have with Wyatt as the days of this little one are coming near. So many changes and so many questions that are unanswered until the time arrives. I find myself worrying about Wyatt and our relationship but excited for this new little soul in my life. How can I imagine having another little boy in my life and loving him as much as I love Wyatt! Wyatt is such a light in my life and everyday I watch him and love him more and more. Wyatt, I love the energy that you exude! I love how tough you are yet give the softest love. You are so rough sometimes but you give the sweetest hugs and kisses I have ever had. I love your little treasures that mean the world to you: your little marbles, dice, little rabbit, your bouncy balls, and everything else that fits into your little hands just right. I love how you light up every time you find one of these little treasures on the floor or in their hidden place. I love how much you love to rope cows and ride horses. You are one talented little boy. I love your love for any ball that you see. I love your contentment with what you have. I love how you love to tackle and chase and play swords yet your favorite cartoon is Dora and you get excited about Tinkerbell. I love that you are so strong sometimes yet when the Swiper comes on TV you come running for my arms. I love that you need me even if it just to ask if you are ok. I love that you like to play football with me and when I miss one of your throws, you tell me to keep an eye on it. I love that you want me to lay with you at night and get as close as we can. I love that you ask me to hold your hand at night and sometimes want to hold both right before you fall asleep. I love your sweet soft cheeks, your clumsy little ways, the way you can't control your excitement at times, and the happiness that always shines through you. I am so very blessed to have been able to spend these past two years being your mommy. You are going to be such a wonderful big brother and I am so excited to see you in that role. Just because there is a new little baby coming into our lives, doesn't mean you are any less important. You are and will always be my one and only Wyatt Bear. I love you.