Where to even begin? This past year and a half has been a difficult one. I don't even like using the word "difficult" when I am describing my kiddos so I will rephrase that sentence and say a challenging year. On Feb 19th Clay was born into this world and challenged us from maybe day three:) I ask myself all the time "what was different with my pregnancies?" I felt less stressed in my pregnancy with Clay then I did with Wyatt. Did I do something to make this little baby unhappy? He just seemed to be unhappy many many days of his life.
I want to make it clear that I am NOT complaining! I would not change this little person at all. He has taught me so much and I LOVE him with all my heart. I just did not know what to do to help him and really questioned my ability to do anything and really strived just to keep my sanity. Each day's goal was to just get by. I found myself losing my patience with Wyatt more and more and then felt as though I was losing the relationship we had. I felt as though I was stressed and angry and at my last thread of sanity. Some days, MOST days, Clay would cry. He would not let me move away from him without him crying and running after me. I felt as though I could get NOTHING done. I did everything I could to make him happy. Let me rephrase that previous sentence.. I did everything I could to have NO crying. This means I would let him have things that I normally would have taken away or if he wanted something I would immediately give it to him so he would stop crying. I was in all honesty afraid to tell him "No" because I would rather have 10 more minutes of "no crying!" There were days that I would cry or that I just was really miserable. I didn't look forward to starting the day because it usually started with Clay waking up early and crying and screaming the whole morning. I went to the library to find a book that would maybe educate me on what I could do to help Us. In the title was Difficult child. I felt guilty for even buying it I think because I didn't feel like Clay was difficult I just wanted him to be happy. I think he is stubborn and can be aggressive when he gets mad but don't like to describe him as difficult. I didn't feel as though the book was describing Clay so I put it down and went back to my Bible for my kids the "Baby Whisperer" I don't know why I didn't do this in the first place. Maybe we both weren't ready for a change. I do believe that we had to get through these tough phases to get to where we are right now. I do believe that timing is everything. Oh, I forgot to mention that last week my mom came over and as soon as she came into the house I burst into tears. I had been crying on the phone with my sister earlier and it was just an emotional day full of stress and challenges. I told my mom out loud that I feel like I am afraid to tell Clay "no." I thought thought about what I had said to my mom and maybe it took me saying it out loud to make a change. I never saw myself as a person who just lets their kids take control of their life. I feel like I am a little strict on Wyatt to be a good boy and I expect a lot from him. He is a great kid! So why do I not do this to Clay? Per the baby whisperer a new attachment has been brought into Clay's life. He is called puppy. This little guy is going to help us make it through the next year with smiles on our face and laughter in our hearts. Clay has taken to him really well and loves him. I have noticed a HUGE change in Clay in the last 4 days. He seems happy, he goes and plays with the other kids without needing me to be there. He wakes up happy. He doesn't scream at me all the time. He just seems like a new kid. I will say it is not just puppy that has been brought into his life but I have put my foot down a little more and let him know that I am the momma and he is my baby. I think I feel less angry or frustrated with him which allows him to feel more loved and happy. It makes me sad typing this because that is all I ever want for my little babes is to feel happy and loved. Things are brighter today. I am amazed at what Clay is like today. He is laughing, running, playing, even running by me and not needing a hug. Of course he does come up and need some mommy time and that is exactly what I give him. I love seeing this little boy grow into such a ray of sunshine! We are doing more and I can be more creative with what I do with my boys. Clay is a year and a half. His favorite foods are chicken nuggets, cheese, crackers, yogurt, grapes, apples, mac and cheese, blue berries, strawberries, watermelon, bananas and black beans. He LOVES balls! They are his favorite thing to play with. He sais momma, daddy, ball, jiggs, puppy, milk, gray skull, spiderman, batman, and probably some more that I cannot think of. He is a super smart little boy! He has made me realize that everyone is different and was against my schedule as a baby! :) Maybe I have been so set in MY ways of teaching that I forgot to stop and look for HIS ways of learning. Well, we are doing something right and for right now I will take it with open arms. :) Today is a good day!
